Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
