The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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