You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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