are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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