Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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