After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
