I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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