I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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