is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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