He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize