If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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