I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
