I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
