If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
