did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
