We're facebook friends in real life
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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