i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.