I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.