i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house