In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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