how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?