Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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