We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.