maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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