He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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