Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i think i have two assholes

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(330): i think i have two assholes http://tfl.nu/b4sn

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(513): View more from Ohio

This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie

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(513): This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie http://tfl.nu/0ykf

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it

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(412): you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it http://tfl.nu/8zt4

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(740): View more from Ohio

i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

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(740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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(412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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(570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze

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(620): View more from Kansas

If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no

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(620): If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no http://tfl.nu/7ldp

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(817): View more from Texas

One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?

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(817): One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night? http://tfl.nu/ookm

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(706): View more from Georgia

He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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(706): He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout. http://tfl.nu/uk8o

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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs

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(321): I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs http://tfl.nu/bews

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(734): View more from Michigan

It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

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(734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn

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(917): View more from New York City

How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?

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(917): How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do? http://tfl.nu/h8p0

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(330): View more from Ohio

Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway

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(330): Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway http://tfl.nu/794f

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(727): View more from Florida

I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!

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(727): I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that! http://tfl.nu/zrpi

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