dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
