I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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