I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
