I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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