I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
