my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
