I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
