I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
