Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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