She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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