Got a toothbrush?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
