remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
