just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
