mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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