Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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