how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize