He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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