Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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