Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
