the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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