I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
