I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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