like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
