I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
