new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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