Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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