There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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