You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
