I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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