Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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