We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
