I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
