the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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