Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
