Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
