4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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