i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
