I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
