Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
