i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
