You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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