i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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