Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
