now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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