my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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