Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
