is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
