Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
