I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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