after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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