3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
