there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
