In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you win again, gameday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
