i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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