my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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