this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
