is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
