I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm really busy with my period
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