Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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