So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
