He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
