Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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