My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
